I saw this old woman park and was amazed when she didn't straighten out.
Yet another person who couldn't park.
To the owner of a Ugly Yellow Mercury Cougar,
I know that you intentionally parked your plastic American car because of your fear of dings from drivers who are not so compulsive about their automobiles. I also know that you feel justified in doing so because you were out in the middle of the parking lot, far from other cars and far from the shopping venues. I know you feel somewhat more safe when your car alarm bleeps at all passing cars and pedestrians. Whatever camouflage is offered to you by matching the lines in the road, the fact of the matter is that your car is quite visible and obnoxious way out there beeping at Windmills.
However, given this circumstance, it does NOT justify getting all in a huff when I take pictures of your poor parking job. I really don't care if you are concerned. Yes, you were easily placated by my complements to your "Le Bra," and how well it wrapped your custom ground kit. None of this justifies the blatant arrogance you exhibit every single day while parking your Yellow Mercury Cougar across two parking spaces.
You sure can't park!
P.S. See below for more inspiration. That
is a yellow Mercury Cougar.
You asked for this one, dude.
Dear owner of the grey H3 found at Hilldale Mall yesterday,
Your lousy parking job was overshadowed by the fact that you drive a Hummer.
Obviously you are a person of great distinction- highly refined in your tastes of automobiles, women and malt liquor. I could see the pride swelling in your bosom as you paid some Mexican $3.25 an hour to wax this behemoth. Did you remember the tip? Please continue to vote for Bush. Please continue to prevent yourself from farting in public. Please continue to masterbate to Playboy. Please continue to order pizzas from Little Casear's.
You are disgusting and you sure can't park.
Dear owners of this Maroon Chrysler Pacifica,
You have humiliated the educational institution in front of which you have hastily strewn you car like misplaced underpants after a drunken evening with a fat guy named Larry.
My apologies to the Fat Larrys of the world. You deserve more respect than the imbecile who parked the Chrysler Pacifica shown below. And to those halfwits who so ably navigated their stupid and unnecessary vehicle to the position shown below...
You sure can't park.
To the driver of the red Jeep SUV:
Dear Sir Or Madame,
Apparently, the TWO lines between parking spaces that are over a foot apart escaped your attention, for you were very clearly over BOTH of them this morning, making it nigh impossible for me to squeeze my very little VW Beetle into the spot adjacent.
I hope your gas-guzzling ways bite you in the ass as your bank account suddenly empties into mine.
-Fox Current Mood: pissed off
Dear Residents of 332 Island Drive Apartment H,
On the right of this dark and grainy picture is your tire. That big fucking yellow thing? That's the goddamn LINE. You parked your boat of a Buick on the freaking line, squashing my already tiny parking space down to the size of a box of fucking tictacs.
You sure can't park.